Hi, friends! Long time, no blog…I know. I’ve been in a “mood” the last few weeks and just haven’t felt like laying it all out there or pretending to be cheerful here on the blog. I’m sure what I’ve been feeling is normal. I keep telling Thom I’m experiencing a mid-life crises. Here’s what’s been on my mind lately {in bullet format because I’m just to lazy to put another paragraph together}.
Babies. More specifically, not having babies and the realization that I may never have them…and feeling like that may be okay. I feel more sad that I feel like maybe I don’t want kids anymore than I actually do about not having them. But, again….this could all change next week and I’ll be thinking about how much I want one.
Work. It’s been a tough couple of weeks. I had my first ever written warning for insubordination. I had an argument with one of the managers and refused to do something he asked me to do. I felt really hurt and disappointed that my bosses went as far as officially documenting a warning {a pretty serious warning as it’s something I could have actually been terminated for}. I put a lot of thought and effort into doing my job well….not to mention a vast amount of energy {which I have been lacking lately} into being the Go-To girl and I felt like the whole misunderstanding could have been avoided. Instead I have been unceremoniously “put in my place.” Fine. Whatever. It’s just a job I guess. But, it’s been adding to my misery about not completely loving what I’m doing for a living.
Home. I was supposed to be flying home this weekend to attend the Palo family reunion. It was an opportunity to meet family from my maternal grandfather’s side….people I’ve never met before and may not get the chance to again {some of them are really old}. I couldn’t afford a plane ticket, in the end. I received a speeding ticket a couple of weeks ago that cost almost as much as a plane ticket. Lovely.
So….that’s about it. I’ve been moody, and ornery, and just plain miserable. I’ve been avoiding phone calls and sleeping- a lot. Things are looking up though….don’t despair. I’m feeling much better. {please don’t comment that I should just move back home, it’ll only spin me back into feeling miserable. You know who you are!}.
Anyway…on to more pleasant thoughts. The weather here has been strange, but good. It’s been raining a lot. And then we’ll have periods of really super hot days with a few lovely, cooler, perfectly fine days. Those days are the best. Thom and I hang out on the deck, play with the kitties, and talk about all the things we’d like to do to the lake house.
We’ve finally put up the mailbox. I say “we” because I did stand by and watch Thom dig through gravel and clay to bury the post….and I offered much moral support by saying how nice his rippling arm muscles looked as he plunged the post hole digger further and further into the hard earth. I’m a good girl friend. {patpatpat}
It’s taken awhile to actually get the mailbox ready to post because Thom had to spray paint the box {after I finally chose a color}. Then, I decided I wanted to have owls on it and I spent forever searching for a cute owl stencil to no avail. I decided to try to be crafty and just make my own and paint the owls myself.
It started out well. I used my most favorite Martha paper punch and scanned it into the computer. I cut out the image and used the negative as a stencil. Clever, right? Except it looked horrible and I didn’t do anything to fix it for a couple of weeks. Then Thom fixed it and it looked much better.
Next, I forgot about the project for a month before realizing I still didn’t have a paint pattern for the details and commenced searching the Internet for a cute, scrapbooky owl pattern. Again, this took weeks as I am easily distracted.
Finally, I had one owl painted and was okay with it even though it looked bad again when I painted on the details. I gave up hope and settled on one lonely looking owl on just one side of the mailbox. It’s a good thing we actually get our mail at our P.O. box.
I have realized that paint is not my friend and that painting will never be my claim to fame. {sigh}….I’ll stick to food porn 🙂
Keep your head up Gina!! Things in MI aren't that much better on the job front. My hours were reduced from 40 to 25 due to financial constraints (loving the hours not liking the paycheck, I am the only one working right now (at our home)). You are not alone in your early midlife crisis!! Billie is also going through the babies thing.
Thanks for the encouragement, Liz. I know what you mean about not working a lot of hours…nice for relaxation…but hard on the wallet. In the same boat here.