There’s a part of me that really wants to write something eloquent and thought-provoking about the senseless shootings at Virginia Tech. I wish I could write about God’s plan for all of us. I wish I could write that there’s a reason for it…that everything will be okay in the end. But what is the end? Does “the end” happen on any ordinary day when you’re sitting in class or sitting at your desk at work? Is “the end” winding up a the Pearly Gates and being let in? I wish I could have faith. Faith in God. Faith in knowing that everything will “work out.” I wish I could feel personally changed by sad events like this massacre, as it’s being called. But, I don’t. And I didn’t after 9/11. I didn’t after Columbine. I don’t each time I hear about a soldier being killed in Iraq. It’s a terrible thing to admit. I’m almost ashamed of it. Almost. Tonight…watching television I watched 3 movie trailers featuring guns, shooting, violence. I watched as the actor’s laughed while they played shoot-em-up. And so I don’t feel as completely ashamed as I should. This terribleness…the violence…it has become part of everyday life. Sadly, tragedies like these are becoming commonplace. The thought that keeps running through my head…a phrase I see repeated over and over in the media is that “it could have been prevented.” It could have…but it wasn’t. And yet the entertainment world still glorifies shooting, guns, violence. And we keep them in business. We see the movies, we buy the DVDs, we listen to the music. Some of us act on them. Some of us let the message sink in that guns and violence are a means to an end.
My lack of faith doesn’t mean I don’t feel sadness for the losses. I can empathize with the families of the victims. Losing anyone in my family are the scariest, saddest thoughts for me. The unknown is scary for me. Not knowing if there’s an afterlife. Not knowing if “the end” is really the end. I wish I could just have faith. I wish I could just pray. I wish it could make me feel less sad. I wish that in a week, a month, a year from now I could say that this has changed me for the better, that it has enlightened me, or brought me closer to something, closer to God, closer to faith, closer to knowing that everything will be alright in the end. But I know that it will not. I will go on with my week as previously scheduled. I will continue to worry about silly, shallow things like finding the perfect shade of pink for a party, or how I wish I could be and do something else. I will forget that “just being” is something that I am privileged to do every day that I am alive. For now, though, I will remember to be grateful for my life….and for the lives of those around me..my family and my friends.
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